Well, the Best Choice was not me…or not that job…or not me in that job…or just, not me in that job now. So my few weeks with a very sweet host has become a few months. Enough time for him to “get accustomed to my face” yet again, and a few too many miles on the car (100mi round trip, 3-5 times weekly depending on whether I attend my church here and/or participate in Writer’s Night).
So the options, questions, and pressures are mounting again… do I settle in with Silent Blessings? After all, we are making progress, and it’s a unique ministry, the only one that targets deaf children with age appropriate resources in ASL and a worldwide reach. The God Loves Deaf Kids app is strong, there’s forward momentum, and there are unfulfilled plans for more content. DWW-5 is inching closer to being finished, then we’ll resume work on the VBS. I can be useful, and they can do without me. The Silent Blessings website is being rebuilt under the existing site, and it’s not in a state to walk away from — but it doesn’t actually require me to be at the desk (though life’s easier with all resources at hand).
Do I push a little harder on the door in Texas? On one hand, I could submit a video that gives stronger answers to the interview questions. On the other, they may have filled the needed role by now, or I may come off as needy and desperate — works for the persistent widow of the parable, not sure how it would go over in the non-profit business world of the 21st century. And, if God has closed a door, you’ll break your foot trying to kick it open (unless He opens it for your insistence, then you fall on your face — never beg God to give you what He didn’t plan for you to have).
Do I head for Austin where I can rebuild language skills and be closer to Arlington if that door indeed should open again? Where I’ll be moderately in range of Whitney for monthly volunteering and support for my writing? Or do I go to the small town itself and set up a tiny house on a plot of land where I can coordinate regularly with the director and chaplain of an all-volunteer staff?
Do I stake a claim in Wyoming? According to DeafChurchWhere.com, there are no churches there. At six people per square mile, that’s no surprise, but statistically there’s someone out there in the wild west. Do they know? Who will tell them? We received correspondence from two families in Montana desperate for live resources. Montana and Wyoming are neighbors, and there are mountains, and apparently the seasons are extreme.
Do I head back to South Bend? The interpreter training program is being rebuilt from the ground up, and I care nearly as much about the people who will serve the Deaf in their most vulnerable situations as I care about the Deaf folks themselves. Will they have encouragement from those who understand yet have no direct impact on their status? Will they have extended opportunities at random hours to immerse themselves in the language in a low-stakes environment and get to know the wonderful people that make up the Michiana Deaf Community? Like Austin, I can rebuild language skills. I’d be within range of quality resources to support the growth of the God Loves Deaf Kids app as well as a “mere” three hours away from the office.
Do I “bloom where I’m planted,” though it looks more like wilting, or do I “take the leap of faith,” and plug my ears against the shouts of fear and doom from people I love? Do I resign myself to the facts that I simply have a wider variety and less depth of skill than my counterparts in every area, and I serve better by dabbling in a dozen support roles?
Or do I follow the wisdom of focusing on one thing and pushing all other knowledge and interest to the wayside? If writing, then write, and forget that the obituaries are never empty. If ministering, then minister, and forget that I overflow with stories (yet not with confidence). If computing, then compute, and let myself be drawn into the vortex of forcing my will upon a box of magnetic switches.
These are the swirling questions…and they haven’t slowed yet.